People say that after doing a detox, senses become more acute. You smell better, hear new sounds, and relish food as never before. I think that’s the best parallel with the sabbatical I’m about to finish. I got a detox for mind and soul. I feel connected to myself as never before and, as a result, I see everyday life choices in a new refreshed way. And I don’t want to miss this awakening feeling ever again. Therefore this blog, and my commitment to keep my head outside the boxes, despite the fear of exposure, of writing in a language I’m not totally familiar with, and that nobody may care about what I care.

So what is this blog about? Hmmm… I wished I had a straightforward answer for this one, but I don’t. It’s not about travelling, films, food, shopping, exercising, relationships, environment, learning and working, but at the same time it’s all about travelling, films, food, shopping, exercising, relationships, environment, learning and working. The big difference is that it’s not about the specific subjects, but about how I relate to these themes after the sabbatical. Decisions in all those matters are taken every single day of our lives, most of the times on automatic pilot: what we eat, what films we watch, what we buy, what meetings we attend, who we spend most of our time with. And I finally realised those mundane decisions are actually what we are, not our titles, possessions or abilities, no matter how important they are for us; we are how we choose to spend our limited and precious time on Earth, every single day of our lifetime. And it’s about that awareness that I want to write about, hoping it can make sense to more people, or inspire other points of view.

So here I go….

I think I didn’t realise the effect that the past 7 months has had on me until last week when an executive recruiter called me to discuss a job opportunity. When looking at my CV the thing that impressed him the most was my sabbatical and, more than finding out what I have done, what I have experienced, he was keen to know why I did it. I learned in a Coaching course that you should never use the word “why” when coaching someone because the word itself usually tends to carry some baggage, some judgement, which could end up inhibiting people from talking openly. And this was the first time I felt it myself. Somehow that “why” wasn’t just about finding out the reasons that got me to take a break from work; I could sense there was a “what’s wrong?” behind it. I even checked with other friends who have taken sabbaticals in the past and they also got similar reactions. They were assumed to be stressed, depressed or, the best one, they did it to take care of someone ill in the family, while none of these reasons were actually the true drivers. Well, the “why” question from that recruiter did confirm to me, once again, WHY stepping out of the machine was one of the best things I’ve done.

It wasn’t easy to go for this sabbatical. Now it feels so right that I can’t believe I didn’t do it years ago, and at least a few times, but unfortunately this is not a practice we care to nurture in our society. To start with it’s an unpaid leave so I needed some savings to keep me going with my fixed commitments, and with the things I wanted to do during that period. But that wasn’t the toughest one; it was hard to find other examples in my area (a corporate role) doing the same move, even though some companies do offer it as a benefit without having to resign. Most of the people who do it prefer to take it when they are younger, not after reaching a certain position in life. The reasons can be many, from family commitments to money constraints, but I can’t help thinking there is also some level of fear of pausing a career, of losing some exposure within the company, or being seen as not as committed with their jobs. Never saw anybody senior taking a sabbatical. There is a sort of pride in the corporate world of senior people being seen as always very busy and never taking big breaks; but in my mind some time out could only benefit my career, being in contact with new ideas, new stimulus, could only make me a better professional and, more importantly, a better person.

I was keen to pause and find the mind space to revisit the road I “chose” to take long ago. After 18 years working non stop since college I started to think I was somehow stuck in my habits, hanging out with the same kind of people, hearing the same problems, giving the same solutions. I was becoming predictable and so was everything around me. I was settling down to a way of life I knew could keep me going comfortably for the next 40 years. And for some people that’s fine and I can respect that, but it wasn’t enough to me. I was afraid I was becoming a female version of Homer Simpson and that wasn’t quite the vision I have dreamt for me.

The sabbatical bug started to kick inside me almost two years ago when I decided to take some acting classes. It was something after work with the intention to bring some artistic flavour into my everyday life. But those drama classes completely pulled the rug from under my feet. I thought I was a confident and successful executive until I entered those acting classes’ doors. Then I was a child again. I realised I had completely forgotten how to behave in a group of people so diverse: different ages, backgrounds, careers, interests… I remember the reading of the first play, when the teacher asked us about the intention behind the actions of one of the characters. Everybody gave an opinion, as I gave mine, and I was anxious to hear who got it right, or more precisely, “was I right?”. But I never got any clear answer. Just a “Yes, it’s possible”. Or “Yes, maybe”. So frustrating! It was at that moment that I understood the real meaning of acting: interpretation, which allows a million possibilities to bring a story to life. That realisation felt liberating but also scary. I was used to environments where we would easily agree who is right or wrong mostly based on hierarchical positions, so I wasn’t really sure I could handle being part of a group where no one holds a definitive answer to a debate…

The same happened with the improvisation exercises. I felt I was by far the boring one, always giving the most obvious and predictable solutions to the sketches. They could easily replace me with a computer programme and it would make no difference. And if it wasn’t enough, I was always surprised by the least expected person of the group, usually the one that at first glance I wouldn’t care to exchange a word with, who would give the most creative solutions, those that my mind wouldn’t dare to get close to in a thousand years. The ironic part of all this was that I used to consider myself a creative person… Ha! Was I really? Those unpretentious acting for beginners classes started to instigate a curiosity that I somehow lost over the years… a curiosity not only about the world around me, but about the infinite possibilities that I still had for myself. I realised I had been a very good actor but of just one script, and that was too little for the big theatre of life.