It’s been already three months since the end of my sabbatical. And although it could look like I’ve been devoured by the machine again, since I haven’t written in a while, I’m glad to say no. I’ve managed to keep the sabbatical spirit alive in spite of my return to a working routine. But is it sustainable?
I’d love to say yes, but the truth is that I’m not convinced… Firstly, I’ve never been so busy, as I don’t seem to be able to give up many of the new interests outside work that I acquired during the sabbatical. And secondly, I started to realise that the “new me” may not be as welcome at work as I thought it should be…
It happened a few weeks ago, when I was faced with all sort of barriers when I invited someone more junior than me to a workshop that was supposedly to be “only for the leadership team”. I explained to the organisers that the content of that workshop was fundamental for the “non leader” to be able to do her job. That she was going to add value. That it was good for the business. But no, none of these reasons were enough. What I was asking was against the rules, I was told. If the person in question wasn’t considered a “leader” then he/she wasn’t supposed to attend that event. End of story.
The problem is that usually I have difficulty accepting rules that make zero sense to me. So I decided to elevate the case to my superiors until I managed to convince other “leaders” that inviting the “non-chosen one” was the right thing for the business.
Well done! Hummm, not sure… The episode clearly didn’t gain me new leader friends inside the company… But it did give me the opportunity to look with fresh eyes at two concepts that are at the very heart of the corporate world: hierarchy and fear.
I’ve never been very good with hierarchy, even before the sabbatical. It’s ironic because I’m originally from a country that was ruled by a military government for so many years that paying respects to the authority is basically in our DNA… But that gene didn’t make it in my case.
I’ve always preferred a hierarchy of ideas, not of titles. Following instructions from people I don’t respect, or being given directions that don’t seem right, has often been a struggle to me. And moreover, I reject the idea that because someone has a higher title, he/she becomes a superior being that deserves more consideration, even on non-work related matters.
What I mean is that I’m very bad at laughing of bosses’ jokes that aren’t funny, smiling when their stories are boring, or nodding when I don’t quite agree with their point of view.
My ultimate rebellious act against the hierarchical system was when I turned down a big promotion a few years ago because it didn’t feel right to me at that time. Instead, I opted for a lateral move where I could extend my experience into new areas, and where I could spend more time with managers’ teams (non-leaders!) who usually are the ones who inspire me the most at work…
I confess that deep down I also thought that, at the end, that decision would be somehow rewarded. I thought my case would be portrayed in the company as an example of integrity to be followed and, because of that, more promotions would be offered to me in no time!
So naive… The fact was basically deleted from my career records. Coincidently or not, the few sympathisers I found were women. All the men thought I was crazy. Perhaps because the definition of success for women is different – a point that is totally missed by companies when they try to make policies to have more women occupying higher positions… I even started to doubt myself to an extent that I decided not to mention that episode anymore inside the company, as if I did something wrong. It was only during the sabbatical that I revisited this chapter of my life and realised how telling it was about who I am. And who I want to be.
But my behaviour isn’t something I recommend to anybody who wants to have a promising career in the corporate world. I’ve been lucky for having quite a few bosses that, in the end, valued my work more than my rebellious attitude to the system.
The dynamics of the hierarchical system is one of the reasons people stay for so long in these companies. To advance further along those steps. To get closer to the top. That’s growing. Achieving. I realised with that workshop discussion that by questioning the privileges of that leadership team what I was actually doing was questioning the definition of what it is to be successful. You work hard so that, amongst other things, you can earn the right to be at those workshops. Where not everybody should be accepted. That’s one of the measures of success.
Since my sabbatical the concept of mindless hierarchical decisions is even less bearable to me as I totally lost touch with another concept underlying any solid hierarchical system: fear.
Fear paralyses. Fear blocks creativity. Fear is what maintains the status quo even when everybody knows it is dated, or even wrong. Fear kills ideas before their conception because they don’t even get to be expressed. Fear makes bad jokes funny. It makes boring stories interesting. Bad decisions followed. Fear silences.
With all this I’m not saying I have become an anarchist and don’t believe anymore in the corporate systems. Not at all. I believe a hierarchical structure is necessary in large organisations for clarity in the decision making process. People with the higher positions in the company should have bigger responsibilities and make the toughest decisions. That’s why they earn more.
But that should be all. Moving up the pyramid system shouldn’t give us more rights than the ones strictly associated to the role itself.
The saying “leadership is a lonely place” always sounded bullshit to me… But it’s true to those who promote fear.
The only way for businesses to attract more daring and creative talents is to promote a space where outside of the box ideas won’t be shot down at the first attempt. Environments that are not ruled by fear create the conditions for good ideas to flow to the top, and bad ideas to be challenged without the risk of being perceived as un-collaborative. Where leaders don’t lose their curiousity just because they become boss, where they are allowed to say “I don’t know” when they don’t know, and where asking for suggestions doesn’t make them a weak leader, but a wise one.
The sabbatical gave me a new perspective not only about the world I live on, but about the role I want to play in society, especially with my work. During those months when I was released from my corporate title, I found the mind space to be in touch again with my curiousity. I also faced many “I don’t know” areas of my life that were genuine interests, but that I had put off because, somehow, and without even realising it, I started to live the corporate “leader” concept beyond my work space. And that’s something I’m keen not to let it happen again.
Today I believe I’m more able to identify when I’m acting out of fear, or conviction. I’m also aware that unfortunately, not often can one escape fear… But I want to make sure it never overrules my integrity. And moreover, I don’t promote it as a mechanism to feel respected, or loved…
Still, the biggest change I’m experiencing, that I hope will stay with me, is how I now define success. Of course I’m ambitious, I want to grow, advance. But if before it wasn’t just about the titles, that’s now even less appealing to me. I want to be successful by using my skills and experience to make a positive impact around me. Even if it’s a tiny one. And with that I mean the people that work with me, the people who consume whatever I sell, and more importantly, the planet I live on.
I think until we, individually, redefine success by looking outside our egos, and consider all touch points of our actions, we won’t change the mess we are in. Aiming to be part of something that even in some infinitesimal way could make the world a better place should be the only respectable ambition. The most desirable title. The ultimate measure of success.
